10 Things To Pray About WITH Your Spouse
Let me first ask this question, do you pray WITH your spouse regularly?
“Have you prayed about it more than you’ve talked about it?”
There are many Christian couples who simply don’t pray together – ever. Sure, they may pray before meals, or pray FOR their spouse, but rarely WITH their spouse…
And this is totally common, but it’s not normal. God’s design for marriage is normal, but it’s quite uncommon and unpopular. Prayer is a fundamental element of the Christain life, so it should inevitably be central with in our deepest relationship, our marriage.
So why don’t more Christian couples pray together?
Is this unfortunate reality because we don’t believe in the power of prayer? Is it because life is good so we don’t need to pray? Is it because praying with your spouse is awkward or uncomfortable? Is it because praying with your spouse is inconvenient? Is it because you think your spouse wouldn’t want to pray with you? Is it because you don’t know what to pray for, or how? Is it because you feel God never answers? It is because of fear or lack of courage? Is it because you just don’t think about it? Or is it because you don’t know what to pray for?
These are valid questions, but every single one is rooted in a lack of trust, complacency, or laziness.
My intent behind asking these questions is not to guilt you, but perhaps to spark conviction.
* This article is specifically speaking about praying WITH your spouse, and does not in any way, shape or form take away from the need and necessity to pray FOR your spouse.
The Enemy Does Not Want You To Pray With Your Spouse.
In fact… he doesn’t want you to pray at all. Marriage is one of God’s primary vehicles for ushering in the Kingdom of God. Our marriages should be a reflection of the gospel.
We MUST realize this: The state of your marriage either validates, or disproves, your faith to the world. (It doesn’t actually, but in the eyes of the world it does…)
This being the case, there is no greater target for the evil one, than our marriages. (Satans first attack was on a marriage in Genesis 3. Since then, he’s been stealing, killing, and destroying marriage’s – John 10:10)
Praying with your spouse brings unity and connectedness, where satan wants to bring division and detachment. Praying with your spouse brings clarity and peace, where satan wants to bring confusion and animosity. Praying with your spouse is a way to partner with God, where satan tempts you to believe you don’t need God’s partnership. Praying with your spouse brings God’s truth and will to the light, where satan wants you to walk in the darkness of lies. Praying with your spouse offers a testimony to God’s faithfulness (as you see the prayers you prayed being answered), where satan wants to blind you from the way God is working in your life and marriage. Praying with your spouse keeps your prayers focused and in tune with the Holy Spirit, where satan wants you to fall asleep while you’re praying, or get distracted by your phone. Anyone!?
Think about it, healthy marriages demonstrate all the characteristics of Jesus, selflessness, grace, love, discipline, wisdom, leadership, order, truthfulness, honesty, power, etc… In order to build a healthy, thriving marriage, we literally need to become more like Jesus. Woah.
In our marriage, I’ve actually found praying together to be very difficult. It’s a hard thing to make a priority when you have so many other pressing demands that have immediate ramifications if they are neglected. However, the ramifications of neglecting to pray with your spouse can be lifelong.
I wish that I could say I have been the leader I am called to be, and that Auj and I have faithfully prayed together every day since we’ve been married, but unfortunately, that’s not the truth.
The Lord has been convicting me on this.
So why don’t I? Could it be because it’s scary, or intimidating, or that I don’t feel validated, or I’m too prideful, or I lack courage, or I’m too lazy to pursue what God has for us, or I don’t see the value in it… whatever it is, I know that I’m dramatically missing out when I don’t pray with Audrey. Satan has me right where he wants me, useless and scared.
Over the past few months (since launching Beating50Percent) I’ve realized the need to pray for, AND WITH, Audrey on a regular basis. Praying together has increased our intimacy, our faith, our connectedness, our dreams, our vision, our direction and our love, among the many stresses of life.
Prayer is worth it.
Jesus treated prayer like it was his lifeline, we should do the same.
Very often we read about Jesus drawing away from the crowds to pray. All over the gospels there is testimony of Jesus seeking direction, wisdom, and strength from the Father. (Luke 5:16, Matthew 14:23, Mark 1:35, Luke 6:12, Luke 9:28) Why? Because it works.
So, you might be thinking, “OK Jer, where do I start… I’ve never prayed out loud with my spouse before, and I don’t even know what to pray for?”
Here Are 10 Things To Pray About
1. Pray for protection over your marriage.
Pray the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20) over your marriage daily. We need this kind of Godly armor to protect our marriages from attack, temptation (Matthew 26:41) and sin. We need to pray for protection over the covenent we made, and that the Lord would keep anything from “steeling, killing, or destroying it.”
2. Pray for one another.
You are quite possibly the best person to pray for your spouse. You know them best, you know what truths they need prayed over them, and you know what lies the need prayer against. You know their needs and wants better than anyone, so you are the most equipped person to pray for them. James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” The prayers you pray for your spouse, over your spouse, are powerful!
3. Pray that your marriage would reflect the gospel.
The scriptures are pretty clear that our marriages should be a reflection of the Gospel (Ephesians 5:25-56). Others should see Christ, and understand what the gospel is all about, by looking at our marriages.
4. Pray for your family or future family.
Pray for your children, and their friends, and their future spouse. If you don’t have children, pray for your future children, for them to grow to know and love Christ, for them to be Godly husbands and wives, and for them to “do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God” (Micah 6:8).
5. Pray for discernment on decisions.
If we are not careful we can make huge decisions without even considering consulting the Lord. Often these decisions have us anxious, wound up, nervous and maybe even irrational! Lets bring the Lord into our decisions and “every situation.” (Philippians 4:6)
6. Pray for Christ to be at the center.
Sometimes we just need to sit down with our spouse and acknowledge the authority that we want Jesus to have in our life and marriage. Vocally declare to each other, and to Jesus that you want him to lead you, that He has authority, and that you are working for his purposes.
7. Pray for your dreams, vision, and desires.
Don’t be shy of asking the Lord for things. He will either give, or not give, but always in our best interest.
8. Pray to walk in truth and grow in wisdom.
The Lord wants his people to walk in wisdom and truth. So ask for it! For he will give freely to those that ask. (James 1:5 Colossians 1:9)
9. Pray for life circumstances.
Pray together for the little things, so you will be prepared to pray together for the big things. We need to be confidently and fervently, praying for our days, weeks, months and years. Keep God “in the loop.” (Psalm 91:15)
10. Pray thanksgiving. Praise the Lord, for He is worthy.
Jesus showed the first deciples how to pray. (Matthew 6:9-13). And I don’t believe his intent was for us to necessarily copy his exact prayer for the rest of time… but he was rather showing us a structure. And in that structure it started out with praise to the Father. Acknowledging His Holiness and giving praise to the Lord. Acknowledge His glory when you pray!
To the husbands: I’m sure your wives have, moms, mentors, sisters, friends, or other women that they can, and do pray with, but let me ask you this… Is that because you shy away from praying with them?
Step up and walk in the shoes of a leader. Tell your wife you would like to pray with her. It doesn’t need to be daily, (yet) but start doing it several times a week. Start leading.
To the wives: Ask your husbands to pray. Gently, let them know that you would like them to pray more for your marriage, and with you… At dinner ask them to pray for the meal, ask them to pray for specific things. This will slowly build up their courage and allow the Holy Spirit to start doing a work in them. Sometimes, we just need a little nudge.
Be gentle, and ask your husband to pray with you this week. Let him know that you would like him to pray more for your marriage. Let him know that you trust him, and think he’s a good leader. (even though he might need a lot of work) Sometimes we need to be encouraged with who we are becoming, not who we are.
Go under the mercy,