10 Things To Pray About WITH Your Spouse
Let me first ask this question, do you pray WITH your spouse regularly?
“Have you prayed about it more than you’ve talked about it?”
There are many Christian couples who simply don’t pray together – ever. Sure, they may pray before meals, or pray FOR their spouse, but rarely WITH their spouse…
And this is totally common, but it’s not normal. God’s design for marriage is normal, but it’s quite uncommon and unpopular. Prayer is a fundamental element of the Christain life, so it should inevitably be central with in our deepest relationship, our marriage.
So why don’t more Christian couples pray together?
Is this unfortunate reality because we don’t believe in the power of prayer? Is it because life is good so we don’t need to pray? Is it because praying with your spouse is awkward or uncomfortable? Is it because praying with your spouse is inconvenient? Is it because you think your spouse wouldn’t want to pray with you? Is it because you don’t know what to pray for, or how? Is it because you feel God never answers? It is because of fear or lack of courage? Is it because you just don’t think about it? Or is it because you don’t know what to pray for?
These are valid questions, but every single one is rooted in a lack of trust, complacency, or laziness.
My intent behind asking these questions is not to guilt you, but perhaps to spark conviction.
* This article is specifically speaking about praying WITH your spouse, and does not in any way, shape or form take away from the need and necessity to pray FOR your spouse.
The Enemy Does Not Want You To Pray With Your Spouse.
In fact… he doesn’t want you to pray at all. Marriage is one of God’s primary vehicles for ushering in the Kingdom of God. Our marriages should be a reflection of the gospel.
We MUST realize this: The state of your marriage either validates, or disproves, your faith to the world. (It doesn’t actually, but in the eyes of the world it does…)
This being the case, there is no greater target for the evil one, than our marriages. (Satans first attack was on a marriage in Genesis 3. Since then, he’s been stealing, killing, and destroying marriage’s – John 10:10)
Praying with your spouse brings unity and connectedness, where satan wants to bring division and detachment. Praying with your spouse brings clarity and peace, where satan wants to bring confusion and animosity. Praying with your spouse is a way to partner with God, where satan tempts you to believe you don’t need God’s partnership. Praying with your spouse brings God’s truth and will to the light, where satan wants you to walk in the darkness of lies. Praying with your spouse offers a testimony to God’s faithfulness (as you see the prayers you prayed being answered), where satan wants to blind you from the way God is working in your life and marriage. Praying with your spouse keeps your prayers focused and in tune with the Holy Spirit, where satan wants you to fall asleep while you’re praying, or get distracted by your phone. Anyone!?
Think about it, healthy marriages demonstrate all the characteristics of Jesus, selflessness, grace, love, discipline, wisdom, leadership, order, truthfulness, honesty, power, etc… In order to build a healthy, thriving marriage, we literally need to become more like Jesus. Woah.
A Confession
In our marriage, I’ve actually found praying together to be very difficult. It’s a hard thing to make a priority when you have so many other pressing demands that have immediate ramifications if they are neglected. However, the ramifications of neglecting to pray with your spouse can be lifelong.
I wish that I could say I have been the leader I am called to be, and that Auj and I have faithfully prayed together every day since we’ve been married, but unfortunately, that’s not the truth.
The Lord has been convicting me on this.
So why don’t I? Could it be because it’s scary, or intimidating, or that I don’t feel validated, or I’m too prideful, or I lack courage, or I’m too lazy to pursue what God has for us, or I don’t see the value in it… whatever it is, I know that I’m dramatically missing out when I don’t pray with Audrey. Satan has me right where he wants me, useless and scared.
Over the past few months (since launching Beating50Percent) I’ve realized the need to pray for, AND WITH, Audrey on a regular basis. Praying together has increased our intimacy, our faith, our connectedness, our dreams, our vision, our direction and our love, among the many stresses of life.
Prayer is worth it.
Jesus treated prayer like it was his lifeline, we should do the same.
Very often we read about Jesus drawing away from the crowds to pray. All over the gospels there is testimony of Jesus seeking direction, wisdom, and strength from the Father. (Luke 5:16, Matthew 14:23, Mark 1:35, Luke 6:12, Luke 9:28) Why? Because it works.
So, you might be thinking, “OK Jer, where do I start… I’ve never prayed out loud with my spouse before, and I don’t even know what to pray for?”
Here Are 10 Things To Pray About
1. Pray for protection over your marriage.
Pray the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20) over your marriage daily. We need this kind of Godly armor to protect our marriages from attack, temptation (Matthew 26:41) and sin. We need to pray for protection over the covenent we made, and that the Lord would keep anything from “steeling, killing, or destroying it.”
2. Pray for one another.
You are quite possibly the best person to pray for your spouse. You know them best, you know what truths they need prayed over them, and you know what lies the need prayer against. You know their needs and wants better than anyone, so you are the most equipped person to pray for them. James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” The prayers you pray for your spouse, over your spouse, are powerful!
3. Pray that your marriage would reflect the gospel.
The scriptures are pretty clear that our marriages should be a reflection of the Gospel (Ephesians 5:25-56). Others should see Christ, and understand what the gospel is all about, by looking at our marriages.
4. Pray for your family or future family.
Pray for your children, and their friends, and their future spouse. If you don’t have children, pray for your future children, for them to grow to know and love Christ, for them to be Godly husbands and wives, and for them to “do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God” (Micah 6:8).
5. Pray for discernment on decisions.
If we are not careful we can make huge decisions without even considering consulting the Lord. Often these decisions have us anxious, wound up, nervous and maybe even irrational! Lets bring the Lord into our decisions and “every situation.” (Philippians 4:6)
6. Pray for Christ to be at the center.
Sometimes we just need to sit down with our spouse and acknowledge the authority that we want Jesus to have in our life and marriage. Vocally declare to each other, and to Jesus that you want him to lead you, that He has authority, and that you are working for his purposes.
7. Pray for your dreams, vision, and desires.
Don’t be shy of asking the Lord for things. He will either give, or not give, but always in our best interest.
8. Pray to walk in truth and grow in wisdom.
The Lord wants his people to walk in wisdom and truth. So ask for it! For he will give freely to those that ask. (James 1:5 Colossians 1:9)
9. Pray for life circumstances.
Pray together for the little things, so you will be prepared to pray together for the big things. We need to be confidently and fervently, praying for our days, weeks, months and years. Keep God “in the loop.” (Psalm 91:15)
10. Pray thanksgiving. Praise the Lord, for He is worthy.
Jesus showed the first deciples how to pray. (Matthew 6:9-13). And I don’t believe his intent was for us to necessarily copy his exact prayer for the rest of time… but he was rather showing us a structure. And in that structure it started out with praise to the Father. Acknowledging His Holiness and giving praise to the Lord. Acknowledge His glory when you pray!
Challenge:
To the husbands: I’m sure your wives have, moms, mentors, sisters, friends, or other women that they can, and do pray with, but let me ask you this… Is that because you shy away from praying with them?
Step up and walk in the shoes of a leader. Tell your wife you would like to pray with her. It doesn’t need to be daily, (yet) but start doing it several times a week. Start leading.
To the wives: Ask your husbands to pray. Gently, let them know that you would like them to pray more for your marriage, and with you… At dinner ask them to pray for the meal, ask them to pray for specific things. This will slowly build up their courage and allow the Holy Spirit to start doing a work in them. Sometimes, we just need a little nudge.
Be gentle, and ask your husband to pray with you this week. Let him know that you would like him to pray more for your marriage. Let him know that you trust him, and think he’s a good leader. (even though he might need a lot of work) Sometimes we need to be encouraged with who we are becoming, not who we are.
Go under the mercy,
– Jeremy
We do pray but not always together. I appreciate that you have given us both the chapters and the verses to reference. I think it’s a great idea and something we will definitely work on. My husband when we met only believed in silent prayer however I was brought up our Lord is our best friend and should be spoken to as such. Praying does not need to be all about the asking. I often sit and pray as I reminisce. I thank God for all the wonderful memories I have including but not limited to the birth and lives of each of my children, the honor or knowing my grandmothers to make heart felt memories with them before their passing. I thank him for growing up in a not so wealthy family. We had struggles but not once did we not all come together for meals and to help each other when need be. Stay humble my friends. Remember no matter where you are in life there will always be people much worse off than yourself and people much better off than you yet the only thing in life that really matters is being each other’s support system because with each other you hone the moon. 🙂
Woah! My husband and i were JUST talking about praying together yesterday! Weve always considered ourselves to be christian, but never really practiced it! We try to go to church when we can and lateLy weve been making more Of an effort! YeSterday we talked on the phone about praying together! Were in on the challengeso guess what we did tonight?! 🙂
I have been continually challenGed and encouraged aBout my marriage since this site launched a few months ago. Last night after receiving your text we prayed out loud togeTher and it was a very precious time for us. Im so Excited For all to come!
THank you for the testimony and encouragement!
I always prey with my wife, always say I knew you were the one, you are my inspiration, my life and my love. Our wedding vows were done in French which she speaks and Italian which I speak.
Your thoughts and comments are right in line with what the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints believe! Marriage between a husband and wife is ordained of God and praying together as a couple brings you closer to him. I would encourage you and everyone reading to find out a little more about this church otherwise called Mormons. If you are making the effort to change for the better by following this blog, take another step for good by going to Mormon. Org or LDS.org to learn more!
wow, that’s just great
Beautiful! a answer to my prayers for my MARRIAGE. thank you for caring to share your lives with us. I am willing and ready to except the challenge! with God anything is possible. we have always prayed at meals with our CHILDREN. I am looking forward to praying together daily. it will be a OPPORTUNITY for God to use his healing powers in our RELATIONSHIP. Blessings, christina
THANK YOU FOR THIS ARTICLE. i PRAY gOD KEEPS YOU STRONG AND ENCOURAGED. tHIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT MINISTRY FOR OUR COUNTRY. gOD bLESS yOU.
Good truths Here.
1 have an extra tip, after 10 years in. There are difficult years where It can becomes very easy to get on each other’s nerves and you can develop a history of unresolved angers AND mental tally of all the wrongs done to each other over sever years. At that point you have to make a conscious effort to get back to these Basics. Easy to say, hard to do
Forgive, you forgive, you forgive as God does. 100%, holding nothing back. GOD DOESN’T ONLY PARTIALLY WIPE YOUR SLATE CLEAN, BUT HOLD SOME Back for later just in case you sin again. That’s a hard lesson: forgive us our trespasses as we Forgive those who trespasses against us. Here’s what gives us strength.
Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. [32] Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave YOU.
Ephesians 4:26 NIV
“In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still ANGRY.
1 Peter 3:8-9 NIV
Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. [9] Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
That’s a sharp way of thiinnkg about it.
Thank you! I needed to hear this.
Good truths Here. Pray as a Family with your spouse and later your children.
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(this is just FYI for you guys if you are looking for some other articles you might do in the future – you don’t actually have to post in your comments section) 1 have an extra tip, after 10 years in. There are difficult years where It can becomes very easy to get on each other’s nerves and you can develop a history of unresolved angers AND mental tally of all the wrongs done to each other over sever years. At that point you have to make a conscious effort to get back to these Basics. Easy to say, hard to do
Forgive, you forgive, you forgive as God does. 100%, holding nothing back. GOD DOESN’T ONLY PARTIALLY WIPE YOUR SLATE CLEAN, BUT HOLD SOME Back for later just in case you sin again. That’s a hard lesson: forgive us our trespasses as we Forgive those who trespasses against us. Here’s what gives us strength.
Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. [32] Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave YOU.
Ephesians 4:26 NIV
“In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still ANGRY.
1 Peter 3:8-9 NIV
Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. [9] Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
Hi,I ask before on your private page how we could be a part of this if we don’t text..Could you do a private email or something..Thanks for considering..
My husband & i prayed together for our heAlth, the well being for each other, for God’s will to be done & that we seek to live out his plan in our lives! we prayed tHat god will see us through hard timeS. Our ‘current’ moSt ‘importanT’ things…our struggle with infertIlity. Its been a very long & difficult battle. I feel My husband Is very calm headed & stROng Through this journey while it has been really challengIng to myself as a person & who i am. I feel the one thing my body is supposed to Do, it has been Unable To. We have suffered one very early miscarriage & each month is like riding a roller Coaster. My husband has been by my Side THROUGH ultrasounds, medications, shots, emotions both good & baD, & of course some depression that has come along with this journey. I work with premature & sick newborns, which i feel has made this journey that much harder for me. We have also managed to keep our marriage as Strong as we Could during his on & off deployments over the past 4yrs. We are thankful to god he found a job here in the states that will allow us to grow stronger & together to continue to make our marriage strong & bring us closer.
I did not expect a second challenge to do yesterday so missed the prayer challenge. Also will have to search hard after 20 years for copy of our vows. My husband says he BELIEVES in God but Doubt he eVer prays. I am going to see if i can voice the prayers for us and toGether although a night late. BeTter late than never, right?
Also i want to say that my marriage looks a lot like jeremys parents. It is hard to change. I am 56 and wish i could communicate with his mom. I wish His parents well in any case.
My husband and I will be keeping you and yours in our prayers this week! ❤️
We pray daily together daily. It is always done before meals but that is when we feel most confident in adding on the things we are thankful for and to ask for prayer requests.
We al s o just discussed our own wedding vows as our son was married last weeken. We were amazed at how simplistic ours were compared to now when most couples add their own vows too. When we were married 31 years ago you weren’t given that option. Our whole family realizes the importance of those vows before God. We have had several discussions through the years and I’m so glad because our children do take them very seriously as your most important promise to another person.
Thanks for this. We def pray separately. When we do together, it usually feels sort of plain and boring. I definitely will take this article to heart and have forwarded it to my husband.
I always prey with my wife, always say I knew you were the one, you are my inspiration, my life and my love. Our wedding vows were done in French which she speaks and Italian which I speak. Every night we speak to each other in a different language. Italian I am and romance is second nature.
Hello. I can say being married for 8 years it becomes very hard to pray together when kids come along and the stresses of life come with it as well. I love that this blog strives to make marriage that much more beautiful and grateful for each moment you have with your spouse. If we are to love one another, Christ must be the center. God bless.
C.S. Lewis wrote, “We pray not to change God, but to change ourselves.” Early in our marriage we decided to create a “Book of Faithfulness” in which we recorded the things we were praying jointly and individually. Then as God worked in our lives we would record the results or outcome of our prayers. In the beginninf of our marriage it helped to build a stronf foundation of faith in each other and showed us that the Lord was working in and through us. After a while it became a source of encouragement when challenging events occurred. We could go back and see all that God had brought us through. Recently when some unexpected opportunities came our way, we looked back and saw how the Holy Spirit had been equipping us for these very opportunitues for years. So we stepped out with prayer and “jumped” into what the Lord had given us. The most amazing thing about prayinf together is hearing how much God has made us of one heart and mind over the last 17 years.
This was a great read! My fiance and I have been working our way through the Purpose Driven Life and praying together really has helped us draw closer together as a Christian couple and also closer to God both as a team and our individual relationships.
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17
Thanks for being a continuous encouragement for me as I persue a stronger relationship with Jesus and my fiancé!
Keep up the great work.
Very excited to start this challenge. Thankyou for your time and dedication with helping others work on building a great marriage. My family and I are making a trip to Californi/Oregon soon and are extending our trip for the sole purpose of visiting the Roloffs farm. Love watching the show!!!
My husband and I have been praying together, every morning before we start the day for almost a year now. It was his initiative as we ere constantly fighting and he recommended that we start praying together and surprisingly he was not even as close to God as I was at that time. Truth, at that time and before prayer, we did not have the most healthy relationship. Not a lot of respect or love.. that was before we got married. We then found out we were expecting and we immediately got married, as we were only engaged. Unfortunately God wanted our first born son, it was and is heartbreaking.
A year ago, without us praying together, we would have never been strong enough to endure what happened to us.
Today I cannot thank God enough for what he has done and will still be doing in our marriage. I love my husband as I have never loved him before. I appreciate and adore and respect him so much more. I cannot comprehend how a marriage can work without God as being the center thereof. All glory to God!